[I Need To Be Afraid]

Life has changed a lot since I last posted. I am no longer with Robby. We broke up on my birthday (November 4), because I just knew it wasn't right. It was getting to the point where you just hate being around them because all they do is treat you like shit.
I'm still pining over Jonathan of course!:P
I'm about to hang out with my friend, Gideon. He's pretty cool.
I really wish I could have a guy like me because of me and not to have sex. I mean, I love love love the sex, but I just really want Jon to wake up and realize how happy he'd be with me. 
Anyway this is just to introduce you to my new life, so you aren't confused about what's going on when I start posting real stuff again. Peace, homies:)

[And We Fall Like Stars From A Disapproving Sky]

He's perfect...literally everything I've ever wanted and more...remember when I was that pathetic little girl so scared of her own feelings and so afraid of being hurt that she couldn't find a person that could truely make her fall in love? Well, I've found him. Sad little girl is now a full-grown, ridiculously happy woman. I found someone that I fell for so easily...and that's hard...for me..and it came so naturally. The "I love you's" weren't even awkward....like, the first time he held my hand I knew...that was it. I was hooked. It's ridiculous to think about the short amount of time we've been together, yet we've been through so freaking much together it's unbelievable...and I trust him;;I really do. I know I've had trust issues before but I 100% believe that he will be faithful to me. I couldn't ask for anything better. I'm in love;;completely. I am going to be with my Robert Michael Hathcoat for the rest of my life and that makes me feel so secure and happy:) I don't even want to think about where I'd be or what I'd be doing without him...and I was so scared...that maybe he would decide that through all of my faults and flaws that I wasn't "marriage material," but he really loves me. For all that I am...and I have never felt more at home with anyone. Like...it's so hard to believe it..and when I think about my future there's no way I could picture my life without him...he's it. He's my everything. :) I knew it was special from that very first night...when Zach brought me over for the "one-night-hook-up-fix-up-make-her-undeppressed" thing..and I could tell that this was something that hadn't happened before. Now, I'm not saying that I believe in love at first sight because I certainly don't...but this is as close as anyone will ever get to that. Like...I honestly believe that he is the only one for me;;that we were meant to be together and that we are soulmates. :) People throw that term around a lot and don't really understand what it means, but I do. Now. WIthout him I'm only half of something so completely amazing...alone I am nothing, but with him, I could conquer the world:) As Mayday Parade said, [[save your heart for someone that's worth dying for...don't give it away]]. So I guess it's good that I was so guarded..that I didn't give my heart blindly away to people that didn't deserve it or to people that I knew weren't right for me. I'm so happy that I am completely his and there is no one in the world that could ever take his place. And I think back to previous relationships and other various hookups and I realize that I was an idiot. That maybe there's something to this "save it for marriage" Christian bullshit. I don't think you should have to wait for marriage but I know it would have been a thousand times more special if I had saved it for the one that mattered...of course it's in the past now and I can't change it, but i can say that there is one thing that I've never done with another man, and it's not sex...it's make love. I have never "made love" to anyone...and Robby comes along and BAM...I don't know..It's like...the most amazing feeling ever. I'm so so so happy that he came into my life...and I know that I never have to lose him and that we'll always be together...and that's the best feeling in the world. I love you, Robert Michael Hathcoat...you are my world, my everything, my moon, my stars, my flowers, my rain, my air, my clouds, the shine in my smile and the twinkle in my eye...you're it. And I'll be yours forever and always<3

From The Backseat Of Your Cab [I'll Sing This To You As You Go]

Look around at the models passing

I'm just another face in a crowd

Of flawless mannequins

I'm torn apart and mad at him...

When I think about the future

Where I'm going

Who I'm knowing

Why I'm listening

To what I'm listening to...

I think about going with you

Knowing no one but you

Listening to what you're listening to

I wanna be that girl in your dreams

I wanna be the one you need

The one you keep for years to come

The one that outshines everyone

I don't deserve what you've given to me
But I'll take it oh-so gladly
I'll never leave you if you'll never leave me
Baby...stay with me.


Look around at the clouds and the sky
Falling down on top of what I've built
To make myself look so much
Better than I am
I'm so torn apart
((Not mad at him))


When I fall down on the pavement
I wonder what my shame is
Why do I care that you see me weak

Scraped knees

Bruised ego

Why do I mind when you hear my voice crack
Trying not to sound so un-profound
Would you love me the same
If I had some other girl's name
I always wonder if I'm the one or
Just the one that took her place,
But baby, I'll take it
Because I--I...


I wanna be that girl in your dreams
I wanna be the one you need
The one you keep for years to come
The one that outshines everyone

I don't deserve what you've given to me

But I'll take it oh-so gladly
I'll never leave you if you'll never leave me
Baby...just stay with me
Baby, I can't see...would you stay
Stay.....with.....me?

[Making Up For Lost Time] The Winds of Change Are Blowing My Direction...

So;;it's been a while since my last post. I'm getting lazy. Then again, I usually do. I never finish anything I start. I haven't kept a steady journal for more than a month at a time, but one can only try.


Updates on my life::
1. Robby(: He makes me SO happy. I can already tell this is going to be something good. It's early, but I know that I'm really really digging this kid, and he's really really digging me. And I haven't been this happy in ages, so I'm stoked. I'm skipping school Thursday to be with him, then shopping with him Friday afternoon, then he's taking me to my Winter Formal Saturday night, and then I'm going to [hopefully] stay the night at his place(: I always have an amazing time when I'm with him. He makes me all smiley/giggley/butterfly-ee/weak in the knees/blushy/lip-bitey...as Bambi would say;;I'm twitterpated;)
2. School): Yeah, I'm not doing so well. I had a good two-day streak of doing work and paying attention, but after the weekend I came back as lazy as ever. Ugh. I certainly wish I wasn't so lazy, but I can't help it. [Wow...I sound like a total douchebag right now]. **lol**





End transmission.

[Rough Draft] The Yearbook's Final Goodbye (thanks for making ME write it).

We are all on our own seperate paths, and we are all headed to different places. Some of our paths will remain intertwined throughout the years and others will slowly grow apart. But no matter where our paths lead us, we will all have one thing in common--we spent some of the best/worst years of our lives here. Ouachita High School. Another year has gone by, and we've survived. For some, this is the beginning of a new high school career, a fresh reputation, and an entirely new place to make a name for themselves. For others, this is a goodbye. This is the start of an entirely new chapter beyond high school; beyond hallway drama and cafeteria crispitos. We are all beginning to realize that someday we're going to have to leave the safety of these white walls we know so well. We will eventually have to find new security in our independence. Some of our goodbyes are forever and some for a day, but we will NEVER forget the times we had here. And each of our paths, however long and winding they may be, will lead us to a greater tomorrow. We will gain friends and lose friends. We will learn some and forget some. But most of all, we will discover who we truely are. So take this journey one day at a time, and always remember the days you spent here in these crowded white hallways--laughing, crying, screaming, hurrying, stalling, whispering, smiling, and most importantly...growing. Growing older; growing wiser; growing apart; growing closer--growing up.

Pretty Little Girl;;With A Bow In Her Hair...

A Rocket To The Moon = A Great Band

New Hope;;New Dreams;;A Back-Ache

Well, I met a boy. He's absolutely adorable(: And a nice guy. Definitely not my usual type. I'm usually into the quiet ass-holes that treat me like a piece of meat. Perhaps I should try something new. He seems like he's really into me. And I'm diggin' on him as well. [[Who knows what could happen? Do what you do;;just keep on laughin'. One thing's true--it's always a brand new dayyy]].

My back hurts...badly. I had to stay home today because of it. Now my throat is killing me. So I have a cold, my back is shot, and I have to try and recover by this weekend. Because I'll be seeing that boy(:

Well, this was just a small update for you guys ((aka:  Hardcastle. Since she's probably the only person in the world reading these:P))

A Series of Phantasmaghorical Events

So yesterday::
Pretty good day. If every weekend could be like this one, the world would be a better place(:

"Want Me To Punchasize Your Face For Free?"

I'm watching Super Troopers...god I love it.

Phish Out Of Water