[Rough Draft] The Yearbook's Final Goodbye (thanks for making ME write it).

We are all on our own seperate paths, and we are all headed to different places. Some of our paths will remain intertwined throughout the years and others will slowly grow apart. But no matter where our paths lead us, we will all have one thing in common--we spent some of the best/worst years of our lives here. Ouachita High School. Another year has gone by, and we've survived. For some, this is the beginning of a new high school career, a fresh reputation, and an entirely new place to make a name for themselves. For others, this is a goodbye. This is the start of an entirely new chapter beyond high school; beyond hallway drama and cafeteria crispitos. We are all beginning to realize that someday we're going to have to leave the safety of these white walls we know so well. We will eventually have to find new security in our independence. Some of our goodbyes are forever and some for a day, but we will NEVER forget the times we had here. And each of our paths, however long and winding they may be, will lead us to a greater tomorrow. We will gain friends and lose friends. We will learn some and forget some. But most of all, we will discover who we truely are. So take this journey one day at a time, and always remember the days you spent here in these crowded white hallways--laughing, crying, screaming, hurrying, stalling, whispering, smiling, and most importantly...growing. Growing older; growing wiser; growing apart; growing closer--growing up.

Pretty Little Girl;;With A Bow In Her Hair...

A Rocket To The Moon = A Great Band

New Hope;;New Dreams;;A Back-Ache

Well, I met a boy. He's absolutely adorable(: And a nice guy. Definitely not my usual type. I'm usually into the quiet ass-holes that treat me like a piece of meat. Perhaps I should try something new. He seems like he's really into me. And I'm diggin' on him as well. [[Who knows what could happen? Do what you do;;just keep on laughin'. One thing's true--it's always a brand new dayyy]].

My back hurts...badly. I had to stay home today because of it. Now my throat is killing me. So I have a cold, my back is shot, and I have to try and recover by this weekend. Because I'll be seeing that boy(:

Well, this was just a small update for you guys ((aka:  Hardcastle. Since she's probably the only person in the world reading these:P))

A Series of Phantasmaghorical Events

So yesterday::
Pretty good day. If every weekend could be like this one, the world would be a better place(:

"Want Me To Punchasize Your Face For Free?"

I'm watching Super Troopers...god I love it.

Phish Out Of Water

Clown Love

Just thought I'd put this little edit on here. I really liked it.

To Follow A Heart...To Find A Hand

My life--is bound in pages and paragraphs. I take time out of each day to write down everything about my life. Feelings, questions, emotions, events, people, places, times, etc...and I just have to wonder..what's it all for? Who am I writing this for? Who is my audience? What is my significance here on this Earth? I mean, is there meaning to anything we do? We do not know. And I have to challenge myself each day to find another thing about me that makes me special--that gives me purpose. It's strange the things we think about when alone and surrounded by the sounds of guitar strings and piano keys. My entire life up to this point has been filled with almost constant pain, yet it has also been flooded with so much happiness. I have the most amazing friends I could ask for. The ones that matter anyway. My family...though dysfunctional...is still my family. Certainly I don't like my mother. And I don't appreciate her enough. And by the time I do it will probably be too late. And I've come to terms with that. My father...I love him dearly. He's a very smart man. He's kind of a revolutionary. He's the only person I know that truely gets it. Gets me. Understands every thought going through my head, and what I mean when I say certain things. It takes some special people in your life to truely understand you.

Things That Make Me Smile (Slash) Things That Make Me Cry

Things That Make Me Smile::

• Giant pink sunflowers
• Folk music
• The Beatles
• Those days when it's not too warm but not to cold with just the right amount of breeze....ahh...perfection.
• Funny homeless people
• When they re-elect a new Pope
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer (this includes the "relationship" with Buffy and -sigh- Angel).
• A sunset
• Being out until 5 am with some of the most amazing people in the world
• My REAL friends (the ones that are always there for me, even when I fuck up big time).
• Black and white movies
• Pin-up girls
• Salsa dancing
• Hearing a song I used to love but haven't heard in a while
• Finding a good book
• Finishing something I never thought I would finish
• Writing (and then discovering I actually like what I've written).
• Broken Lizard movies
• Hugs
• Twizzlers
• My birthday suit
• Holding hands...
• Feeling special
• John Lennon and every word he ever spoke
• Food
• Shakespear
• Poetry
• Edgar Allen Poe
• Quentin Tarantino films
• Across the Universe
• "Death by stereo."
• "Build a man a fire; he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire...he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
• The Memory-Mayday Parade
• Bunny, You Ain't No Kind of Rider-Of Montreal
• When the President Talks to God-Bright Eyes
• Getting to see my daddy....I miss him a lot. I miss our weekly conversations late at night when he would be so off-the-wall drunk, but still made sense, and I could tell him anything and everything because he didn't judge. And sometimes he even remembered the day afterwards...I just..miss that. I love my father very much. He is one of the only people, not just in my family but in my life in general, that truely understands ME.
• "God created man because he was disappointed in the monkey." -Samuel Clemens (better known as Mark Twain)
• Random factoids
• The wind blowing on my face in just the right way....where everything seems at peace.
• Love. I know I say I don't believe in it...and sometimes I really truley don't...I just...am so scared. Butttt...however fleeting it may be, I think it is one of the most precious things we have in life, and to ignore it is simply idiotic. Love--whether lasting for a week or a lifetime--is something to be cherished and held on to. Something that makes us feel like we can fly.
• Family Guy
• the Fuse network
• Marilyn Manson
• Marijuana (I'm off andon these days)
• Finding money in my pockets unexpectedly
• Making A's in class
• Being different
• Men as well as women
• The beauty in everyday things
• Pomegranite body wash
• Fruity shampoo
• Storms (the thunder, the lightning, the rain....)
• Dancing in said storms
• Kissing. I really like kissing ((when it's with someone that kisses just the way I like them to)).
• Piercings. I really enjoy tongue and lip piercings. I think they're amazing (for SEVERAL reasons).
• Finding people that care about the same things I do.
• Billy Mays
• Vince of the Sham-Wow commercials (because he's funny AND he beat up a hooker).
• "You're gonna love my nuts." ---National television
• Fried chicken, black-eyed peas, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, cornbread, rolls, and butter-pecan ice cream(: [Reminds me of my Granny's house].
• My Granny and Grampy
• Megan
• Photographyy
• Planning my funeral.

Things That Make Me Cry::

• Not seeing my father.
• What you-know-who did to me.
• Movies with sad endings.
• Movies with happy endings.
• Seeing gay people so excited about getting married, and then being shot down. It was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever seen.
• Homeless men begging for money...and never getting any.
• Artwork that moves me.
• Broken hearts.
• Shots.
• "The pregnancy scare"
• Seeing two ridiculously old people still in love, holding hands, and kissing...it's just...moving. And restores my faith in humanity and love as a whole.
• Watching poor innocent animals getting treated like shit and then being killed and/or skinned alive for their fur. It's...awful.
• "Don't think that I don't think about it."
• The things that certain people say that I don't let go.
• Peoples' parents dying.
• Seeing children starving and being abused because of their shitty-ass parents.
• Seeing my friends and/or family in pain.
• Thinking about when my father's alcoholism is going to finally take it's toll and kill him.
• Deadlines.
• Stress.
• My period.
• Just thinking sometimes..

[I hope this was enlightening to whomever may be reading this as to what kind of person I am and whether or not you (still) like me].

[I'm Real] I Can Hardly Believe It, Myself...

Every word that slips from my tongue sounds so profound right now...I don't know how to explain it, but I think I might be on the verge of something amazing. I feel like every single syllable that escapes my lips is somehow drenched in importance--like I've got the world on a string, and I can tug on that string all I want, even cut it if I felt the need...In fact, I'm absolutely certain I sound like a complete bag of nuts here, but I don't care. Nobody reads my damn "blog" anyway. And may I just take this precious moment in time to explain how much I hate the word "blog." It diminishes ANY meaning or depth that your writing had to it. Just saying, "Oh, just check out my blog"...sounds...absolutely ridiculous. What happened to the grand ol' times? Hrm? I would kill for a typewriter...a classic, old, black, rusted typewriter. I am convinced that with one piece-of-shit typewriter I could write an award-winning, classic novel. Or a speech that would change the world. I mean, every word I am speaking is of the utmost importance now. I am in a complete state of euphoric idealism right now. I feel like...not a cartoon, but a real person in one of those old movies...black and white, fuzzy screen, long cigarettes and French accents...Yes, that's exactly how I feel.... You know, these few moments of complete importance and empowerment have been absolutely lovely. Perhaps I should try and pretend my words are shaking with God-like magnitude all the time. Then maybe I could speak my mind without worry of consequences or awkward silences...a comfortable silence maybe, but no awkward ones. Yes, I do believe that from now on the sounds that escape my mouth will be those of great weight and measure. I shall be Edgar Allen Poe standing next to a Hallmark card writer. I shall be Marilyn Monroe next to Anna Nicole Smith. I am the genuine article. I am the big cheese (as they say). Yes, from now on each word from my lips will be breaking news! I'm sure this will prove to be very exciting, since normally I have a lot to talk about...yet nothing to say. Perhaps now I can have something perfect to say...without talking at all...

You think I'm a lunatic don't you? Not that it matters, I'm the only person who's ever going to read this. Ha. I love how I'm writing all of this shit, like I'm something...and literally no one is ever going to read it. All of my God-like importance--completely gone to waste now. Damn...and just when I was getting good at pretending to be better than I am.

I think I am coming down from my Jesus-high. I certainly don't know what came over me. I should probably get some sleep though. And don't worry about my dream-guy, because...you're better than my dream guy, because you're real. [I really just loved that line in the movie...I can't even get over it right now].


Thank you and goodnight.

--End transmission--

[A Series of Surprises]

I worry too much.
I over-analyze every situation.
I think more than I should.
I am a jealous bitch.
I continue to argue when I know I am wrong.
I cry more than the average person.
I don't like it when you tell me I'm wrong (mostly because I know that I am).
I am a pretentious, snobby bitch (sometimes).
I never shut up.
I don't know if I'll ever fall in love...because I can never let my guard down and frankly I'm scared as fuck.
I am terribly angry for someone so anti-war/violence/pain.
I am a walking contradiction.
I laugh at inappropriate times.
I don't look before I leap...and I usually end up landing in a big pile of dog shit.
I hate almost everything about myself.
I hurt those that I love that love me...and I don't even know why.
I am distant.
I am mixed up and confused.
I am lazy.
I find it hard to wrestle with the multitude of thoughts in my head...
I pretend I don't believe in love, but hope every day that I find the one that changes my mind.
I choose to ignore things in my life that are too difficult, simply because I don't have the faith in myself to do them.
I smile when I am sad.
I don't trust easily.
I feel as though I won't ever be good enough for any man of substantiality.
I expect too much of others.
I tend to use people without even thinking.
I hate blindly.

 These are all things that I should perhaps work on. These are some of the MANY MANY negatives. But there are positives as well...


I know how to laugh things off (at least until I'm alone and can face my emotions without acting like a bitch).
I am intelligent.
I am funny (sometimes).
I am not completely ugly.
I am faithful and loyal to those that I love.
I am outgoing.
I try and fail all of the time, and I usually never let it phase me.
I know who I am, in all of my faults, and accept it.
I am well-read.
I may not trust easily, but once you've gained my trust I will tell you anything.
I am a good listener.
I will happily be a shoulder to cry on.
I care about others.
I appreciate every little thing in life;;from the fact that I have a roof over my head to the sound of music playing to all of my friends and family to the color of the sky right before it storms.
I know the value of love, and I know that it is one of the most amazing things you will ever have in your lifetime.
I am fearless at telling people what I really think (or at least I pretend to be)...
I am very good at pretending to be confident.

 I guess that's about it...I'm not anywhere near perfect.


I don't know what I'm even doing awake right now. It's 3:50 am, I can't sleep (the insomnia obviously), and I'm writing the most random pointless things. Do I have an ulterior motive? Perhaps I secretly want you to read this, and take everything I say at face value, and perhaps I think you'll think that I am a sure enough person to say all of these things about myself and you'll appreciate the fact that I know I'm not perfect....or maybe I know no one will read this and I won't have to worry about what anyone thinks. Who knows? I guess I do. But I don't know know quite yet.


I am ready for 2010. I have resolutions planned.


Ha...as an end to this year, "maybe I'll take down the Christmas tree." (1,000 points to anyone that can tell me where THAT quote came from).


"I want rules... and boundaries... because... what I've learned is that... without them... all life is... is a series of surprises." -Augustan Burroughs (shortly after)--->"I want to be punished for having sex with a 35 year-old schizophrenic!" Oh irony...