[A Series of Surprises]

I worry too much.
I over-analyze every situation.
I think more than I should.
I am a jealous bitch.
I continue to argue when I know I am wrong.
I cry more than the average person.
I don't like it when you tell me I'm wrong (mostly because I know that I am).
I am a pretentious, snobby bitch (sometimes).
I never shut up.
I don't know if I'll ever fall in love...because I can never let my guard down and frankly I'm scared as fuck.
I am terribly angry for someone so anti-war/violence/pain.
I am a walking contradiction.
I laugh at inappropriate times.
I don't look before I leap...and I usually end up landing in a big pile of dog shit.
I hate almost everything about myself.
I hurt those that I love that love me...and I don't even know why.
I am distant.
I am mixed up and confused.
I am lazy.
I find it hard to wrestle with the multitude of thoughts in my head...
I pretend I don't believe in love, but hope every day that I find the one that changes my mind.
I choose to ignore things in my life that are too difficult, simply because I don't have the faith in myself to do them.
I smile when I am sad.
I don't trust easily.
I feel as though I won't ever be good enough for any man of substantiality.
I expect too much of others.
I tend to use people without even thinking.
I hate blindly.

 These are all things that I should perhaps work on. These are some of the MANY MANY negatives. But there are positives as well...


I know how to laugh things off (at least until I'm alone and can face my emotions without acting like a bitch).
I am intelligent.
I am funny (sometimes).
I am not completely ugly.
I am faithful and loyal to those that I love.
I am outgoing.
I try and fail all of the time, and I usually never let it phase me.
I know who I am, in all of my faults, and accept it.
I am well-read.
I may not trust easily, but once you've gained my trust I will tell you anything.
I am a good listener.
I will happily be a shoulder to cry on.
I care about others.
I appreciate every little thing in life;;from the fact that I have a roof over my head to the sound of music playing to all of my friends and family to the color of the sky right before it storms.
I know the value of love, and I know that it is one of the most amazing things you will ever have in your lifetime.
I am fearless at telling people what I really think (or at least I pretend to be)...
I am very good at pretending to be confident.

 I guess that's about it...I'm not anywhere near perfect.


I don't know what I'm even doing awake right now. It's 3:50 am, I can't sleep (the insomnia obviously), and I'm writing the most random pointless things. Do I have an ulterior motive? Perhaps I secretly want you to read this, and take everything I say at face value, and perhaps I think you'll think that I am a sure enough person to say all of these things about myself and you'll appreciate the fact that I know I'm not perfect....or maybe I know no one will read this and I won't have to worry about what anyone thinks. Who knows? I guess I do. But I don't know know quite yet.


I am ready for 2010. I have resolutions planned.


Ha...as an end to this year, "maybe I'll take down the Christmas tree." (1,000 points to anyone that can tell me where THAT quote came from).


"I want rules... and boundaries... because... what I've learned is that... without them... all life is... is a series of surprises." -Augustan Burroughs (shortly after)--->"I want to be punished for having sex with a 35 year-old schizophrenic!" Oh irony...